I Hear What You’re Saying but…

I could barely catch my breath. The tears were welling up in my eyes and I could not begin to grasp all the emotions I felt stirring inside of me. I wanted someone to listen and understand. In desperation, I said, “Tell me how I can cope with life.” At least that’s what my mouth said and most times I really didn’t want an answer to my questions. I just wanted to be heard. Do you want an easier life without all the drama, setbacks, and discontent? Well, this is what you should do said, everybody else that thought they knew better and maybe they did. The question is “Were you ready to listen and apply the knowledge?” In my case, “No, I was not.” So, why did I choose not to be attentive toward the insight that could have possibly changed my life earlier on? Simple. I wasn’t ready yet. It wasn’t until I had fallen into a state of distress eventually crumbling to the lowest form of myself. I could not comprehend not one word anyone had said while living in a state of confusion. I had to find my own way out. So, I dove deep into self-exploration and the most notable moment was when I asked: “Who are you?”

“Here I am!” A full-grown woman asking herself who she was. Of course in my mind, I started formulating words such as a mother, wife, daughter, child of God. Although all these things were significant I wanted more. Those were titles I wore in life attached to responsibilities I have to the people I love. I wanted to discover the person I was outside of being a mother, wife, and daughter. God had always been at my core sense of self but there were other angles to me. At this moment, the realization of such; I had grown extremely frustrated. “Who the hell am I?” I said out loud expressing nothing but grief at this point. It was like someone had died better yet not even born. My perception of my former self was shattered. I remember taking a weekend trip with my best friend and as I sat there laughing and talking I realized my whole world changed that day. I’m in the car, staring out at the sky, the buildings, and the other vehicles passing by; they all looked different. I meant, they were what I saw but it felt different viewing them. It appeared as if I was seeing it all for the very first time.

Everything opened up. My understanding started to extend past the surface stuff. Something had taken the lid off of the jar I kept myself locked in. I spent several hours reading and researching only to discover that people will evolve when they are ready. Unfortunately, in some cases, people find safety in holding onto the old concepts. Change can be hard to handle primarily due to threatening the foundation you have already built. For the ones who find themselves on a journey leading to fulfillment please share your experiences with others. I’m saying this because people do not forget what has been told to them especially if it was in a time they really needed to hear it despite the fact that they may go back and do exactly the same thing you warned them about. I still remember the advice I was given years ago. It wasn’t until years later I actually utilized it. I was prepared mentally and emotionally to let go of what no longer served me. All the old habits kept me bound, but I found the strength to release it.

Enlightenment is meant to be shared and left for the person to figure out what to do with it. I know we can all get in our feelings when people don’t listen particularly when its someone we love dearly. Take time to consider what advice you may have outright ignored before wielding the sword at someone. I had to carry on a little longer until everything began to make sense. I, in turn, try to be mindful as well when providing insight into a person’s situation. “Perfect timing” I believe is when God feels you are ready to receive. By the grace of God prepare yourself.